Culture Shock in France

Though countless movies and media impressions may have allowed France and its storied capital city to feel somewhat familiar, expats moving to the nation will nonetheless likely experience some form of initial culture shock. Most notably, making a home in France comes with the challenges of learning the language, and assimilating into a culture steeped in social rules - rules that are not straightforward and simple, and that cannot be clearly defined, because a great many of them are nuanced.
 

The first and most critical step to overcoming culture shock and to dissolving any misunderstanding about the French and their cultural norms is to learn the language. Secondly, mind your manners, keep an open mind and maintain an eagerness to learn.
 

French is the official language of France, though expats living in the South of France may encounter some regional Occitan dialects that sound surprisingly different to what’s spoken in Paris and Lyon.  

 

That said, getting by in France as an English speaker is far is easier today than it was ten years ago, and in tourist areas, every other person one encounters is bound to speak English.   
 

Not to mention, with the opening up of Europe under the euro zone, the French also opened their attitude toward other languages. 
 

This fact should, however, not detract from visitors’ or expats’ attempts to at least initiate a conversation or request in French with a Bonjour (Good day) or Parlez-vous Anglais? (Do you speak English?). These two phrases will often set the tone of the ensuing conversation, and expats will soon find that it is important that they, at least, show some effort in mastering the local language.  
 

Many expats have the experience of meeting French people who can speak English proficiently, and who are more than willing to speak English, but who always start with a caveat that their English is not that great. This is often the icebreaker in any situation, as the response can and is often “Well, my French is not that great either” - if that is indeed the case.
 

There are numerous language schools that offer French language classes, as well as French civilization courses to foreign-language speakers.  They all cater to various levels of proficiency and need. Even for the more fluent speaker, there are conversation classes that offer an opportunity to speak to French speakers who are learning English. 
 

This appreciation of and tolerance towards expats that are willing to make the effort to speak their language is by far not a strictly French thing – in any country, locals appreciate any effort one makes towards understanding their language as a gesture in trying to understand their culture – and this applies just as much to the French.
 

► Language Tip: Vuvoyer vs. tutoyer- the use of vous and tu; the French preposition for you. The cardinal rule is to always use Vous (formal) until given express permission to use Tu (informal) in any interaction.
 

Etiquette is extremely important to French people. If French is not a first language, it is critical to learn the phrase Bonjour Madame/Monsieur, and to use it!
 

 It is not unusual to observe grown-ups being subtly put-down by salespeople, waiters or others in the service industry for not minding their manners. 
 

At any service counter, even if in a rush, the most observed form of etiquette is greeting. Rushing in to make demands or a request without a brief bonjour can earn one a frosty response of, “Bonjour Madame/Monsieur” - often delivered with a purposeful look that says, “First and foremost – we greet”.
 

Excusez-moi or Pardon are uttered often by people, and Bon journée or Bon après-midi  (Good day and Good afternoon, respectively) equally so.  Merci (Thank you) goes without saying. 
 

There are instances, of course, when it seems that these simple etiquette rules are not observed, especially the greetings. Note that, even if not necessarily verbalised, a subtle nod, and this can be very subtle, is indication enough that ‘I see you’.
 

Of course there are cases where this simple social norm is not adhered to and expats have complained of the “rudeness of the French”. Admittedly one will encounter this at some point during their stay in France, but expats should also be willing to factor in some of the cultural nuances and unwritten rules that they encounter and try not to draw generalisations. 
 

The bisous - kissing on both cheeks, is only reserved for people one is familiar with – and even then, locals will always be the first to initiate this. This can appear over-familiar to some expats, but it is a common form of greeting in France.
 

The issue of time in social situations perplexes many expats that are used to the notion of ‘being on time’. In French society, being invited for a meal at someone’s house prescribes that one does not arrive à l’heure (on time). It is best to err on the side of fashionably late, that is, fifteen to twenty minutes after the set time. 
 

That said, if invited to a restaurant or a business function, it is acceptable to arrive at the specified time.
 

What does one take to a meal at someone’s home? 
 

Wine is often a good choice, but flowers not as much. It is explained that this creates somewhat of an inconvenience for the hostess who will now have to find a vase in which to put the thoughtful gift. This, however, is also dependant on the type of relationship one has with the host/hostess – in which case familiarity will supersede some of the social norms.
 

The French, as a rule, do not have as much tolerance for picky eaters as do residents of other countries. Whereas it is fairly common in restaurants to order food according to one’s preferences, ”hold the sauce, no chips, without this spice, that garnish or prepared in such a manner”, this behaviour is only mildly tolerable in most French restaurants, and can be perceived as tiresome when displayed in someone’s home. 
 

Once the usual questions around food allergies have been addressed, the host/hostess expects guests to eat and finish food on their plate. It is frowned upon to leave food on one’s plate – keeping in mind that servings are not large and food preparation, especially in someone’s home, is a labour of love which can only be reciprocated though appreciation by enjoyment of the meal.
 

The same appreciation for good food extends to office canteens and school lunches. Many French schools’ offering of school lunches is in the form of three course meals; from entrée to cheese or dessert after the meal. In office canteens, this is also the case. For the French, the saying that food is meant to be enjoyed is not a cliché.
 

The French are not as gregarious and open as say, the Americans. Restraint, and reserve play a big role in interactions, and overt friendliness is not something one encounters overnight.
 

As one expat recounts, “One lady in my building did not utter a single word to me for an entire year - no Bonjour, nothing - even though we shared the same elevator for that entire year. Then one day out of the blue, she beams at me with a friendly ‘Bonjour Madame’.”
 

Though the year-long warming-up period mentioned above is a bit harsh, expats should be prepared to be patient when it comes to fostering connections with locals. 
 

The mixing of professional and private lives, like socialising outside of working hours with colleagues, may be a normal Anglo-Saxon habit, but it can be harder to come by in French companies, and is seldom done.
 

Speaking too loudly or laughing too raucously in public places can earn you sideway glances that scream ‘On ne fait pas ca’ – we don’t do that. Discretion is an overriding factor both in public and in private.
 

The French can be very direct, and this can often be misconstrued as rude, especially if one is not used to such forthrightness. Expats should learn to take this the brutal honesty they encounter as just that, honesty - nothing personal. 
 

One of the most common complaints cited by expats moving to France from the UK and the US is the somewhat mysterious French shop hours. On Sundays, nearly everything, with the exception of cafés, is closed. While this may seem like an irritation, follow the lead of the French flanneurs (loungers) and take advantage of quiet Sundays to relax and unwind. 
 

 

Additionally, many stores will close their doors for between two and three hours during lunch time during weekdays; though, this phenomenon is far more common outside metropolitan centres. 

 

On another note, in the nation’s urban centres, expats may find that personal space is seldom respected on the busy Metro lines at rush hour, as the trains are simply overloaded. Furthermore, the roadways in France can be a hazard and, while illegal, many French residents will simply park where they can, often driving cars up onto pavements.