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I think you'll find the cost of living in South Africa super reasonable, though I'm not sure where you're moving from.
The cost of housing in White River will be significantly less than in the big urban centres like Joburg or Cape Town, but you'll have to pay hefty school fees - as you'll most likely want to send your kids to private schools in the area. If you have 4 school age children this can get expensive. Depending on the age and school of you kids it can up to 42,000 ZAR per annum, not including supplementary fees like school lunches, trips and uniforms. If you're moving here with an expat package, see if you can negotiate education costs in you contract.
On the other hand the cost of food is super reasonable, there's not a ton of expensive eating out options in the area (though Oliver's Restaurant is fantastic), so you'll most likely be cooking at home - count on a grocery bill of about 1200 to 1500 ZAR a week.
You'll also need to buy a car, maybe even two. Public transport in the area is not an option, and you have to drive to get anywhere - it's quite rural. The cost of a car in South Africa depends on whether you go new or old, and pay cash up front or take a lease.
I'm also from NC! Born and bred in Charlotte :) I live in Cape Town, but I've been to White River twice, so though I can't advise on expact prices, I can give you costs according to life here - most likely they'll be a bit less in a small, rural town like White River:
Price for a used Van:
Car Insurance:
Auto Gas monthly: 1200 ZAR (if you fill up with 300 ZAR once weekly)
Food for a family of 6 monthly: 2000 ZAR weekly
Full time housekeeper monthly: 750 ZAR per week (5 days a work week)
Utilities-phone: Depends on your payment plan - most of the mobile companies have first-time user contracts that offer a bit of a discount, I pay 200 ZAR per month for a Blackberry with 140 minutes of talktime, all Blackberry services included and 200 text messages. Suits me perfectly, but then again, it might not be right for you. You can install a landline for 283 ZAR from Telkom and then buy pay-as-you-go vouchers to top it up. Calls to the landline from other sources are free. I have a landline solely to make and receive international calls and communicate with my family.
Internet- You can buy a Dongle (Mobile Broadband) from Cell C for a once off fee of 3000 ZAR. This gets you 5GB of data per month for 12 months. If you're a family of six though, you may want to consider installing something more permanent. To do this you'll need to have an ADSL line installed through Telkom and then you can choose your service provider and the package you'd like. Costs vary depending on how many GBs of data you'd like per month. For an unlimited package at the fastest Internet speed expect to pay around 500 ZAR per month.
Cape Town is an amazing place. In my opinion, it's one of the most beautiful places in the world and one of the most interesting. Some people from western nations initially struggle with the wealth disparity. Having such glaring poverty within a close proximity can certainly be unnerving, but ultimately, you just have to set boundaries for yourself about what you can and cannot do. Other than that though, there's few negatives to life in the Mother City.
Please let me know how else I can be of help, and if you've not already checked it out - you should have a look at the Expat Arrivals South Africa guide.
I get a lot of cost of living questions through my blog and always have trouble answering them. It so depends on your situation. But you might find our family pretty comparable to yours. We live in Joburg and do find it's more expensive than NC. As Stephanie said, school fees will be adding up, as will fees for extracurricular stuff like sports and music, though all of that is quite reasonable here. Maybe your company will pay the school fees? The things you will also pay more for: gasoline (though not as bad as Europe - I'd get a Diesel for more fuel efficiency), food (if you insist on buying what you know from home), travel (everything is on a per person basis and families of 6 don't do well in that respect, let me tell you that! And Africa, contrary to what you might think, is very expensive to travel in, with the possible exceptiong of Cape Town). Electricity is also more expensive, we pay about R2000 to R2500 per month in the summer and try to stay below R3500 in the winter (underfloor heating is very expensive and it is often cheaper to get a couple of gas heaters). Water is about R1000 per month. And we've already adapted our expensive American habits quite a bit! Insurance for your household goods and car will add another R1000 to R1500, and then your typical stuff like phone/internet (R1100 or so for us), cell phones (R850), cable TV (R560) etc. I can't think of anything else at the moment. The one thing we find cheaper than in the US is going out to eat, and there are plenty of nice restaurants to choose from here, though I don't know about White River.
Let me know if you have any other questions!
I lived in Grahamstown for a few years. Cost of living in the Eastern Cape is generally lower than in the larger cities like Johannesburg or Cape Town, where I live now - property is cheaper, restaurants are cheaper, groceries are often cheaper (although you'll end up doing a lot of shopping at the big retail franchise Pick n Pay in Peppergrove Mall), and as it's a small town, you won't spend much on petrol unless you make regular trips to Port Elizabeth, which is about an hour and a half away.
Your biggest expense is going to be accommodation - if you're renting, a family house in Oatlands with say 3 bedrooms and a swimming pool will cost about R1.5 million or to rent maybe R10,000 (although I could be a bit off about that.) A good idea maybe to email the rental agents listed on this page http://www.ru.ac.za/oppidan/digslist/2012/ to get a list of their avalable properties.
Are you moving to work at a school or for the university? The schools in Grahamstown are quite pricey (or the private schools are anyway - Kingswood College will set you back between R20,000 and R70,000 a year for each child) so unless this expense is covered, I don't think R23,000 a month is enough for a family of four. If you don't need to worry about this expense you will probably be fine, although it depends very much on the lifestyle you're used to.
The Cost of Living in South Africa chart is a good guide to grocery prices, although you could also look at Pick n Pay's online store (pnponline.co.za) for prices on specific items.
Any further clarification, please ask.
Being a university/student town, you'd think the cost of living in Stellenbosch would be quite reasonable, but alas, the cost of living in Stellenbosch is quite high. R220,000 per year, tax free, should get you by quite easily. But of course your individual cost of living all depends on your own lifestyle and what you consider to be important monthly expenses. You biggest expense in Stellenbosch (or Stellies, as it is sometimes affectionately referred to) will be accommodation - which come at a premium. As space is limited landlords really take advantage of the high demand for apartments. There are apartments owned by the university to stay in, or many blocks of flats and house-shares - you shouldn't struggle too much to find a place to stay - but you should start looking as soon as possible, as the good places are taken quickly. A small bachelors flat (back when I was there a few yearrs ago) could set you back over R3,000 a month, and even higher for those in a good location, or if you find a house share you could probably spend a bit less than that.
You won't really need a car in Stellenbosch, as most places are within easy walking distance, so transport will be an expense you'll be spared - the town is also very bicycle friendly. However, if you want to explore the country outside of Stellenbosch, and take a trip into Cape Town, I'd definitely recommend buying a car. There are also a number of long-term car rentals available, which are popular with foreign students who don't want the commitment of purchasing a car. Then your other big expenses will include food and entertainment - there is a great student life in Stellenbosch and plenty of restaurants and coffee shops, clubs and bars - many have student specials, so you will be spoilt for choice in this regard.
Stellenbosch really is a great town, and I'd recommend it to anyone! If you have the opportunity, grab it!
back to the original question re family of 6, plus Yanam from Florida's question about living expenses, I just wrote a blog post about the cost of living in South Africa based on our family of six (on an expat salary, just so you can put it in relation), which I think might be quite helpful for those moving to Joburg. It is quite detailed listing all the different expense categories such as utilities, water, housing (though only based on Northern suburbs, for more housing info I recommend this site's article about accomodations), groceries, music lessons, garden service, domestic help, etc. Here is the link:
http://www.joburgexpat.com/2012/11/lets-talk-money.html.
I agree with you on most of what you said, except food. Our grocery average for the first 6 months in 2012 was R8000 monthly for a family of 6, mostly Woolworth (not counting going out to eat, that's extra). But as I said, most everything else is spot on and yes, 50K per month is pretty much what it all adds up to, no matter how you twist or turn.
Perhaps this answers the other question for the lecturer from Nigeria? 22K a month seems very low, although obviously you're not a family of 6 and probably have no school fees (yet) to worry about.